Back to articles A Wantin Woman by Funny Mommy, Kathy Buckworth

Categories: Parenting

My seven year old son Nicholas looked over at me the other day and said Mom, our house is supposed to be cleaner than this ?

While I (barely) suppressed the urge to say to him “Hell, I’m not even supposed to be living in this house”, I couldn’t agree with him more.

We all know what we’re supposed to do.  Somewhere in the back our minds or even at the front of our consciousness, we get little messages about what our cleanliness threshold should be, what our fitness level might aspire to be, how our children are ideally to behave...even what level waistband our jeans should sit at (somewhere between “Mom Jean” and “Ewww Mom”), and how appropriate that tank top might be for the school concert.

The challenge is, of course, that we all have different voices and they’re screaming at us all at the same time.

I want to be THAT Mom who has endless patience for her child, laughs at spills, thrills and sights that chill, but I usually find myself screaming at them, and at the world at large, something like “I should have stopped at one child”, or another charming phrase just as therapeutically damaging. 

I want to be THAT Woman who always has her toes polished, her hair coloured and styled, and the look that says “I put this together in five minutes and I look cool FOR MY AGE.”  But, mostly I find myself wearing boots on a sunny day, praying for rain and a bad hair excuse, and either looking like a teenage drop out or a 70 year old woman.  There is no middle fashion ground in your 40’s, by the way.

I want to be THAT Person reading the latest non-fiction work which will “change the way I view the world and my place in it”.  But, I’m actually that girl reading the latest adventures of a Shop-o-holic.  And loving it, thanks for asking.  In fact, it’s usually my intellectual break from a Hello Canada magazine marathon session.

I want to be THAT Wife who doesn’t nag her husband.  If only he would smarten up I wouldn’t have to. Are you listening men?  Okay, yes that’s nagging.  Can’t live without it. Also want to be the type of wife who doesn’t blame her husband for my own faults. “You’ve turned me into this!” Oh well.

I want to be THAT Neighbour who honestly doesn’t mind having your children over.  Problem is, I do.

I want to be your kid’s friend’s Mom who is the nice one.  Without having to actually BE nice, but just able to fool small children into thinking this is true.

So I’ve decided that Nicholas is basically right.  Our house should be cleaner than it is.  And I’ll be happy to continue that discussion with him after I clean up the Alphagetti he spilled all over the rug in the front hall, which I’m sure in some way is his father’s fault. 

Kathy Buckworth’s latest book, “The BlackBerry Diaries: Adventures in Modern Motherhood” is available at bookstores everywhere.  Visit her blog at