Back to articles Hand Model by Funny Mommy Kathy Buckworth

Categories: Parenting

There's a new product on the market called 'Pump Gloves' which are designed to protect our delicate hands from having to hold onto a filthy pump handle at the gas station. If sales of hand sanitizer are anything to go by, the concern about passing on nasty germs has never been higher, and now it seems the return of gloves and introduction of special hand covers is imminent.
Naturally I can’t help but reflect back on a Seinfeld episode where George discovered himself becoming an unlikely hand model and walked around the streets of NYC with his oven mitts on to protect his future.  As a mother of four, I have to tell you that there are many times I have wished I had some sort of hand covering, be it old fashioned oven mitt or newfangled Pump Glove, that would give me and my hands some protection from the constant barrage of bugs, bodily fluids and other assorted disgusting materials we’re forced to handle in the course of a regular parenting day. I’m thinking that the following would be an instant hit:

·        PalmPoopyProtectors: For those times you’re on your last diaper, you open it up to discover there’s a piece you could palm into the closest trash can and keep going with the same diaper. Built in scooping action makes for easy transference.

·         Digit-DigIt-Out: If you’ve had a newborn, you’ve picked its nose. Tip coverings for those times when they’re just not cute enough to do it without protection.

·         FaceIt Finger Flicks: Your two year old has a cold.  They napped, but the fluids from their nose didn’t.  And now it has dried on to their cheeks. Flick it off with this spongy shovel which straps on to the end of your now protected forefinger.

·         Wouldn’t It Be Glove-ly: You arrive at your in-laws for dinner only to discover that your child’s fingernails are longer and dirtier than Beetlejuice’s.  A quick fix with these thin child size gloves that mimic a clean, well-manicured hand, to slip on before dinner and before anyone notices.

·         MovieMittens: A tiny built in TV screen turns the palm of your hand into an instant source of video entertainment for your bored child at church, school concerts, doctor’s offices and more. Finger to finger speakers sold separately.

·         Hand Holder Helper: They want to hold your hand. They have to hold your hand. But what on earth is on that hand? It’s sticky and brown and eww some green and oh great there are cars going by and you grab it.  But if you have your Hand Holder Helper, junior is sliding his hand into one side and you into the other, like an old fashioned fur muff.  But it has a divider to keep what belongs to him, to him.

·         Mama ‘Minder Mitts: I have about fourteen stops to make this morning but I can’t remember about twelve of them. Oh wait – look – a handy reminder paper pad built right into the Back of my Hand in my new ‘Minder Mitts.  Comes with mini-pen for easy writing accessibility. Can be adapted for BlackBerry or iPhone insertion.

That’s all I have for right now, but I’m working on the Martini MittMaster too.  Back to testing that one now.  Thumbs up.

Kathy Buckworth’s latest book “Shut Up and Eat: Tales of Chicken, Children and Chardonnay” is available at bookstores everywhere. Visit, and follow Kathy at

Kathy Buckworth

"Shut Up and Eat: Tales of Chicken, Children and Chardonnay" is now available at bookstores